we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I want is dick and wine.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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