don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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