You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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