hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
