Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
