Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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