I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
