tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
