she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
