Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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