I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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