and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
