Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
