More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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