Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
