before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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