the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.