Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.