Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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