You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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