You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
