It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
