you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
