i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
