your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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