if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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