I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
