I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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