the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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