i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
