We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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