So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
