My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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