Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
