New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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