On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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