he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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