You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Blood and glitter go together right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
