He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
