Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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