remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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