that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
