i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
