jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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