Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
