She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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