I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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