I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dicks are not precious.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
