so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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