My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize