We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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