dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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