omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
