I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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