i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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