Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
