He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love you. Go after that dick
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
