im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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