After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing