I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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