stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
