you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem