i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk