Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I believe in your delicious