Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.