Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
